Gone…

When I resumed communication with my American ex-, less than a month after my major accident, there was much to talk about hence the reason why the messages to and fro quickly shot past 250,000 and broke the 1,000,000 barrier within 6 months. Much was said but when I asked her about something she once did to herself, her answer was ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP’, and that was the end of that. I never did understand why she would always go to Brooklyn to buy cocaine of a convicted rapist, some little shithead called Snowy by her, who always carried a gun and remained behind closed doors almost always to evade the authorities. When someone like that invites you back to their apt. its not a good idea. But that she agreed to. Did he attempt to rape her? Yes of course. Did he? No. He would no longer still be alive if that were so. But it did mean she had to take evasive action in which she seriously injured herself during her escape. Yes. She then left NYC, went home to Cheshire, Connecticut and lay on her grandmothers bed for hours, during which she got up and slashed her entire body from head to toe with a knife, nearly bleeding to death out of self-loathing. I can’t remember how many cuts I counted but it was well into three figures. 150-200 I think.

I wanted to tell her as the years went by when we never talked, there is a song that I used to love in the early 90s that reminded me so much of her but never did. mainly because line two goes ‘I know your baby wasn’t born’, which given that she had to see a psychiatrist twice because she took our child’s life away from him, was not something I could just casually bring up.

The song itself Is such a sombre and depressing song, but it defines her so well. The first four lines define her completely. It’s a great song but very sombre indeed.

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Super groups/super bands, ever wondered what they are?

If you love metal and have done for some time now, you’ve probably noticed that there are different types of bands. The regular band that will keep its name but the line-ups may change to varying degrees. Fusion bands where two or more may join together and super groups/super bands, which is a conglomeration of friends  established musicians.

Muscians are human beings, and like us all they need change too. A side-project or a solo career can breathe life into them even though they may not attain the same degree of commercial success but a change is as good as a rest. When bands are formed from established musicians, you’d hope what they produce is worth listening to although that is not always the case, and is sometimes best avoided. The first track I came to like from what some called a super group although it was just a side project, was the track ‘Who do I kill?’ by Hater, a band formed by Soundgarden with several lesser known bands from the Seattle scene. I found the video intriguing and noticed that there is a cameo by Kurt Cobain. Should you ever meet a fan of his, I can assure you they will not know he stars in this video as a vicar.

The best example of a super group/ band of Metal Allegiance, who amongst other things have come up with probably the greatest cover song ever made, that being ‘We Rock’ by Dio. They are critically acclaimed and have a great channel on youtube also.

Further details about them can be found here. http://www.metalallegiance.com/about.php

They have just released a new single, and here it is.

Enjoy.

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The presumed importance of context and defining what you are…

However cocky or clever you may be or think you are, the certitude with which the utterances you repeat about how ‘I know myself’, or ‘what I like’ or ‘what defines me’ or ‘what I don’t like’, comes, in all probability, from a narrowed definition of who or what you are; its probably a consequence that embodies an inability to deal with peer pressure rather than the end of an embarkation of a long journey of self-discover.

Metalheads, on the whole, love meeting someone with a similar love of music. We all love banging heads and partying on and on and on. I ought to know, the vast majority of the very best moments of my life were had that way. And as degenerate as so many of us are, why the fuck does that matter when we can bang along to the tracks we grew up with or came to love since then? No matter how crazy things can get in the moshpit, all will have been forgotten once we’ve sobered up right?

But when asked are you a metal head, or a fan of metal or into metal, how sure are you of the answer? If your reply is consistent, its more likely that you are being either unreflective or dogmatic rather than honest. Why do I say that? Well, because if you like a genre for decades: it will change and so will you. I stopped listening to metal for a decade once, I just got tired of listening to the same old stuff over and over again and moved into Electonica and its most extreme forms.

I have often wondered why I never did take to metal in the 70s. About 6 months ago I spent many weeks going deep into that decade, discovering many things I did and did not like but still could not put my finger on it, until last week. I did think it must have something to do with the technology in play back then but now know that isn’t true at all. Beyond early Black Sabbath, I cannot find any ‘metal’ from the 70s I like and I finally know the exact reason why.

A few months back, where I put serious effort into expanding my music video collection, I noticed that I liked more songs from Joy Division and The Sex Pistols than Black Sabbath, and concluded that I always like Punk more than Metal in the 70s. I even discovered material I had long since forgotten about that I still really like, the best example of which being The Stooges, a so-called proto-punk band in our modern age.  In the following very documentary, the Sex Pistols singer John Lydon hits the nail on the head as to why Punk did what Metal could not in the 70s.

Music is a cultural phenomenon, in 1970’s Britain punk embodied the spirit of the youth of the day and their frustrations like nothing else: it was an outlet of escape and allowed them to be themselves. Metal paled in comparison; it was slow-paced, lacking in passion and almost like old man’s music. Take Deep Purple’s Black Night, a true classic but never one could I ever tune into it. It’s so lifeless and slow-paced. A great song yes but never once did I, or could I ever take a liking to it. It’s like old man’s music.

Punk, according to John Lydon, caught the spirit of youth. It was, comparatively, so charged with energy.

It was so anti-establishment and didn’t give a fuck about anything. The constraints by those more empowered were burst open, hence the bad press it was always subject to. Punk was raw, punk was so passionate and much more alive than rock and metal in the 70s, both of which appeared decrepit in comparison. This is primarily an account of British punk I should add, how it was perceived in America is another matter, and btw punk is an American thing not a British thing.

So am I metal then? Well yes but I am not just that.

What are your favourite bands?

How many times have you been asked that question? If you define yourself as metal, would you answer with bands that aren’t metal? I do. Only one of my favourite five bands can be defined as metal, and that’s how its always been…that’s how it will always stay also.

  1. Faith No More                               (Alternative Rock)
  2. Manic Street Preachers               (Alternative Rock)
  3. Alice in Chains                              (Alternative Rock)
  4. Iron Maiden                                  (Heavy Metal)
  5. Therapy?                                        (Alternative Rock/Metal)

So am I truly metal? Yes I am: but it is the question that is at fault. You can’t define yourself so simply. Most of what I listen to is metal, some of it rock. Furthermore, those of us who remember how thrash died out, if being honest, will admit to Grunge being a welcome relief to what was a short-lived phenomenon. That means the 70s and the 90s are taken out of the equation. So do I define myself as metal when asked because I bow down to peer pressure or because at heart I am? The answer is probably both but the answer given will never be anything other ‘yes’ even though the question itself is unrefined and tells you little other than what is obvious, especially when you have long hair, wear nothing but black, are tattooed and sport a T-shirt which shows a metal band on it, and are just about to enter a concert for a metal band whilst already hammered.

You should know what you like but rarely is it the case that you only like a particular thing, and there’s nothing wrong in telling people that your interests are broad. But when it gets to the point that the most definitive aspects aren’t metal, then its where you need to stop and self-reflect. Why would the thing you like the most be almost absent from what you like above all else.

The best answer I have come up with is that I have always loved music and metal is what I love the most. In two months time, I will have reached exactly 30 years of listening to metal, and I still love the stuff I loved way back then. Some people will tell you they only like a certain thing but its rarely the case that its true. It’s probably nothing more than a lack of maturity rearing its ugly head again.

An Uninteresting Conclusion

The song, at the 02.07 mark that, whilst cycling to college, confirmed a harder sound was what I wanted, and that is how it stayed.

Descent into metal in 1988 was: Bon Jovi, Iron Maiden, Slayer…

That’s all for now. I want to conclude by saying that if you love music your passion for it is probably broader than you realize: the significance of that only you, and you alone, can determine…

Bye

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624 not yet 666

Don’t ask how or why but forgetful me somehow forget all about Flotsam and Jetsam, subsequently pushing videos to 624 not yet 666.

As it stands

Metal A-B –  89 videos

Metal C-E –  89 videos

Metal F-K – 120 videos

Metal L-O – 111 videos

Metal P-S –  122 videos

Metal T-Z –  94  videos

The video below that brought back a quasi-untimely reminder that long-term memory remains unblemished while its ‘so called’ “antithesis”, ‘short-term memory’ is definitely blemished, and remains best forgotten by all attempts, failing or otherwise. It took one year for the blisterine boredom that June 1990 once had to return with the following track now added. Hardly unblemished I know but compared to…

Yep pic below be me, I look okay right? Well I look happy, yes? And yes I was. Sometimes escapism is fuelled by inescapism…dropping 15 kgs because your stomach is about to burst and can’t accept food in meal form for 4 months isn’t always the worst thing to suffer from, and I should know…

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Someone Satanic had me by the balls, she really did…

If a quiet, demure girl dressed in black paints her face and has an inverted cross on her cheek in black, how can you not fall for her? She had me by the balls but alas she is coupled up and it came to nothing beyond a new found friendship. You can’t see her make up in the vid below but if you go to 1.06 where we are together you can see the affection on my part even though she doesn’t look Satanic this time round. I do but you can’t see how. Sound is a bit muffled in places, song is Territory by Sepultura.

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Know thyself, then the life you lead, based on your own accumulated self-knowledge and self-understanding is yours to either enjoy or dispense with, courtesy of the rationally informed opinion you have settled upon…

On October 9th 2016, a memory no more than a split second is all I have of the cycling accident I caused, travelling around 40kms an hour I should not, under any circumstances whatsoever, have survived that accident. Not only was the operation to remove the blood clot from my brain aborted very quickly because my pulse was dropping to a dangerously low level, the permanent damage to my nervous system, the 17 seizures whilst unconscious, the 50+ injuries are collectively, much above what most people can survive. When I regained consciousness I did not know my name or where I was. I could walk, say, 5-10 meters but I had 7 tubes in one arm, 5 in another and three in my head. I recovered fast enough…

I am either brain damaged for a few more years, or more likely, brain damaged for life but as time has passed the condition I have been left with is not socially debilitating, it just makes me far more impulsive/aggressive than I have ever been in my life because blood pressure spikes so suddenly all the time, and then comes conflict. There’s nothing I can do about that, and do I give a fuck? Of course I fucking don’t.

As it stands I am breaking bones and losing blood almost every day but does that stop me from enjoying myself? No because with such raised blood pressure after my accident, you develop the capacity to enjoy things much more too. So its lots of fun and mayhem entwined, particularly when I discovered The Immortal Bar in Bangkok shortly thereafter; many of the happiest moments of my whole life were had there. The elation was beyond anything I had ever experienced. But yesterday, I decided to end matters and never return there.

All it took was a second snide remark from the owner. I spoke to him on-line and asked him to apologize but he did not, and being post-accident Mark -he who is disinhibited- verbally I let him have it in front of everyone. He wanted to fight at first and came straight at me. Ok, I fight all the time, no problem, but he wouldn’t. Things then got messy, I said ‘look you want to fight, so let’s fight then but he cowered away, as Thai guys so often do. All mouth and no trousers as we’d say in England. He lost face in front of all his friends and didn’t like it. Although in truth he got off quite likely. I was always tooled up when I went there last year, lucky for him it’s not like that now and things didn’t kick off as he would have lost his life…

So what was once home and a source of such joy is no longer that. It’s okay, I know myself, I know why things happen and the choices I make are mine alone. Below are the pictures and last memories I have of that place.

My new Celtic Frost shirt with a solid silver inverted cross, Celtic in design.

Me being both metal and misanthropic, just before I left.

Just another accident, they happen all the time. No big deal.

I dripped my own blood into my cider…give it a nice kick.

Frank and On-anong who is so wonderful.

I’m leaning towards On-Anong because she has it all and so much more…you probably know that women who aren’t into metal are a complete waste of time and not worth even looking at let alone speaking to.

The pose on my face expresses in inability to express myself. I am too close to someone too desirable to know what else to do other than lean towards her.

Being a silly cunt given that I had many kilometres on the bike awaiting. Okay being my usual disinhibited self and NOT a silly cunt sounds better.

My favourite pictures. Only girls. Shorts are Kreator and underneath them you can see cycling shorts. All good fun. How I look here is very, very me. I only wear black, and those are my black cycling gloves on. Easier to knock someone out with those on.

Blurred picture but great T- shirt.

Metal, and in case you don’t know, it is claimed that the metal hand gesture I am doing for the camera was Ronnie James Dio’s. His Italian grandmother did it to ward off the devil, he took it from her. That is how it is reported.

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Why don’t you just become a machine? After all… .

The last revelation before the enforced hiatus in the music video expansion is this track by the Chicago-based outfit ‘Harm’s Way’. The way they end this track must be commended, great vid also.

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